I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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