At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
