that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
