Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
