Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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