The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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