Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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