Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
