The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
