he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just google imaged poop.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
