I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
