Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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