He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
