Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
