and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
