Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
