I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
