I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're so nebulous sometimes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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