You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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