my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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