new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
