Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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