He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
