You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
