i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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