Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
