I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
