Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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