Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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