i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
