capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
