eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
