I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
