were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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