Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
