i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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