can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
