I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
