Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
