I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I had to cum in my sink.
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