why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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