There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
