I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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