i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
