I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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