I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
