I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
