How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
