I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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