Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
