How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
