i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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