Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
