i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
