have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
