YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
